July 14th, 2008

WoW Space – Memorable Quotes

Filed under MMO

I happened to glance at some Office Space (one of our favorite movies) quotes over at IMDB and realized how much of a WoW perspective could be put into them.  Just change a few words and it just fits with the online atmosphere I tend to encounter.

Lawrence: We still goin’ Steamvaults this weekend?
Peter Gibbons: Nah, Guild Leader’s gonna have me come in and raid on Saturday, I just know it.
Lawrence: Well, you can get out of that easily.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah? How?
Lawrence: Well, when a Guild Leader wants you to raid on Saturday he generally asks you at the end of the day, right?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Lawrence: So, all you gotta do is avoid him… on the last few hours on Friday, duck out early, run on your alt… you should be home free, man.
Peter Gibbons: That’s a really good idea.
Lawrence: Fuckin’ A, man!

—–

Dom Portwood: Hi, Peter. What’s happening? We need to talk about your DPS reports.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah. The pots. I know, I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it.
Dom Portwood: Yeah. Did you get that whisper?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah. I got the whisper. And I understand the policy. And the problem is just that I forgot the one time. And I’ve already taken care of it so it’s not even really a problem anymore.
Dom Portwood: Ah! Yeah. It’s just we’re farming mats, checking on all the DPS reports after the raids now. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that’d be great. All right!

—–

Bob Slydell: Would you bear with me for just a second, please?
Peter Gibbons: OK.
Bob Slydell: What if – and believe me this is a hypothetical – but what if you were offered some kind of a DKP option epics sharing program. Would that do anything for you?
Peter Gibbons: I don’t know, I guess. Listen, I’m gonna go. It’s been really nice talking to both of you guys.
Bob Slydell: Absolutely, the pleasure’s all on this side of the table, trust me.
Peter Gibbons: Good luck with your guild kicks, all right? I hope your kicks go really well.
Bob Porter: Excellent.
Bob Slydell: Great… Wow.

—–

Peter Gibbons: [about the plan to steal from the raid loot] Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this but us, all right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody.
Samir: Of course.
Michael Bolton: Agreed,
Lawrence: [from the vent channel] Don’t worry, man. I won’t tell anyone either.
Michael Bolton: Who the fuck is that?
Peter Gibbons: Uh, don’t worry about him. He’s cool.

—–

Peter Gibbons: Our guild council used to ask us what you’d do if you had full access to the master loot and you didn’t have to roll. And invariably what you’d say was supposed to be your spec choice. So, if you wanted to go feral then you’re supposed to be a bear tank.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that’s why I’m raiding with Noobitech.
Michael Bolton: No, you’re raiding at Noobitech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to them, there’d be no balance, because no one would boomkin shit up if they had master loot.
Samir: You know what I would do if I had master loot? I would invest half of it in resto gear and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in arena…
Michael Bolton: Samir, you’re missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you’re supposed to figure out what you would want to do if…
[printer starts beeping]
Michael Bolton: “Addon Out Of Date”? What the fuck does that mean?

—–

Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care.
Bob Porter: Don’t… don’t care?

Peter Gibbons: It’s a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I raid my ass off and Noobitech kills a few extra bosses, I don’t see another epic drop I can need; so where’s the motivation? And here’s something else, Bob: I have eight different raid leaders right now.
Bob Slydell: I beg your pardon?
Peter Gibbons: Eight leaders.
Bob Slydell: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That’s my only real motivation is not to be hassled; that, and the fear of losing my raid slot. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get kicked.

—–

Joanna: How dare you judge me? I mean what are you? You think you’re some kind of, like, angel here? No, you’re just this honor farming… afk criminal… man.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, well, that may be. But at least I never ninja looted.

—–

Samir: No, not again. I… why does it say server restart when there is no patch? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of shit out the window.
Michael Bolton: You and me both, man. That thing is lucky I’m not armed.
Samir: Piece of shit.

—–

Bob Slydell: You see, what we’re actually trying to do here is, we’re trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at battlegrounds… so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least underleveled, ah, I use an alt – that way the Guild Leader can’t see me, heh heh – and, uh, after that I just sorta afk farm for about an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Afk farm?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just hit autorun; but it looks like I’m PvPing. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, PvP.

—–

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in Shattrath today, and I realized, ever since I started raiding, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Dr. Swanson: Wow, that’s messed up.

—–

Bob Slydell: Milton Waddams.
Dom Portwood: Who’s he?
Bob Porter: You know, squirrely looking gnome, spams a lot.
Dom Portwood: Oh, yeah.
Bob Slydell: Yeah, we can’t actually find a record of him being a current raider here.
Bob Porter: I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off raiding five months ago and no one ever told him about it; but through some kind of glitch in the guild titles department, he still gets a guildbank access.
Bob Slydell: So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch.
Bill Lumbergh: Great.
Dom Portwood: So, uh, Milton has been let go?
Bob Slydell: Well, just a second there, professor. We, uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won’t be receiving access anymore, so it’ll just work itself out naturally.
Bob Porter: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem is solved from your end.

—–

Peter Gibbons: You’re gonna guild kick Samir and Michael?
Bob Slydell: Oh yeah, we’re gonna bring in some entry-level tanks, farm some work out to PuGs, that’s the usual deal.
Bob Porter: Standard operating procedure.
Peter Gibbons: Do they know this yet?
Bob Slydell: No. No, of course not. We find it’s always better to kick people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there’s less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.

—–

Nina: Now Milton, don’t be greedy, let’s pass it along and make sure everyone gets a loot item.
Milton Waddams: Yeah, but last time I didn’t receive a loot item. And I was told…
Nina: Just pass.
[while the loot passes Milton mutters - eventually, after the run, everybody but Milton gets a loot item]
Milton Waddams: [muttering] I could set the guild website to crash.

—–

Tom Smykowski: Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn guild recruits so the Guild Council don’t have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

—–

Michael Bolton: Peter, you’re in deep shit. You were supposed to come raid on Saturday. What were you doing?
Peter Gibbons: Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be.

—–

Michael Bolton: Samir and I are the best DPSers they got at that place. You haven’t been showing up, and you get to keep your raid spot.
Peter Gibbons: Actually I’m being promoted.

—–

Bill Lumbergh: So, Peter, what’s happening? Aahh, now, are you going to go ahead and have those DPS  reports for us this afternoon?
Peter Gibbons: No.
Bill Lumbergh: Ah. Yeah. So I guess we should probably go ahead and have a little talk. Hmm?
Peter Gibbons: Not right now, Lumbergh, I’m kinda busy. In fact, look, I’m gonna have to ask you to just go ahead and come back another time. I got a meeting with the Black Temple Raid Leaders in a couple of minutes.
Bill Lumbergh: I wasn’t aware of a meeting with them.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, they called me at home.

—–

Peter Gibbons: It’s not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It’s about all of us. I don’t know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don’t know, maybe it was just shock and it’s wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die – Michael, we don’t have a lot of time on this earth! We weren’t meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in raid dungeons staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless DKP forms and listening to eight different leaders drone on about about boss kill strategies.
Michael Bolton: I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton’s music.
Peter Gibbons: Oh. That is not right, Michael.

—–

Michael Bolton: Tom, every week you say you’re going to lose your raid spot and you’re still here.
Tom Smykowski: Not this time. I’ll bet I’m the first one kicked off! Just the thought of having to go to the pug chats and stand in line with those SCUMBAGS…

—–

Steve: Good evening Sir, my name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to WoW but now I am off it and trying to stay clean. That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.


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